Detoured , livre ebook

Endorsements
Motherhood changes work-outside-the-home mothers in ways that are hard to put into words. Yet if anyone has beautifully captured the before and after of a career detoured by family, it s Jen Babakhan. Has your plan for the perfect work/family balance fallen apart? Are you plagued by worries that you ll lose yourself as you pour out your life for others? Jen understands. With tender confessions and hope-filled encouragement, Jen s words will be a soothing balm to your soul. She reminds all of us moms that the truth of God s provision and care for us-and our kids-is something we can depend on. Through these pages you ll discover the joy of living the fullness God intended. It s a wonderful book, and I already have a list of friends I m eager to share it with!
- Tricia Goyer, mom of ten and USA Today bestselling author of 70+ books, including Calming Angry Kids
This is the book I wish I would have had when I left behind a news career in the city to become a stay-at-home mom on the farm. I ve never regretted that decision, but I desperately needed the peace and contentment that Jen holds out to moms in her debut book, Detoured. With personal insights and helpful advice, this book beautifully celebrates the gift of motherhood.
- Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of It s All Under Control and The Happiness Dare
Jen Babakhan has a life-changing message for anyone who has ever found herself experiencing an unexpected detour in life. Filled with audacious honesty, practical ideas, and deep wisdom, this is the kind of book that will help you regain your perspective and get unstuck from the false beliefs that are holding you back.
- Mandy Arioto, president and CEO, MOPS International
HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Cover design by Connie Gabbert Design + Illustration
Cover photo philia / Shutterstock
Published in association with Books Such Literary Management, 52 Mission Circle, Suite 122, PMB 170, Santa Rosa, CA 95409-5370, www.booksandsuch.com .
Detoured
Copyright 2019 by Jen Babakhan
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97408
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
ISBN 978-0-7369-7673-2 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-7674-9 (eBook)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Babakhan, Jen, 1981- author.
Title: Detoured / Jen Babakhan.
Description: Eugene: Harvest House Publishers, 2019.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019004513 (print) | LCCN 2019008939 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736976749 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736976732 (pbk.)
Subjects: LCSH: Mothers-Religious life. | Motherhood-Religious aspects-Christianity. | Vocation-Christianity. | Identity (Psychology)-Religious aspects-Christianity. | Change (Psychology)-Religious aspects-Christianity.
Classification: LCC BV4529.18 (ebook) | LCC BV4529.18 .B32 2019 (print) | DDC 248.8/431-dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019004513
All Rights Reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author s and publisher s rights is strictly prohibited.
Dedication
For Ed, Bryce, and Bradley
You are evidence of how extravagantly God loves me,
and this book is as much yours as mine.
I ll love you forever.
Contents

Endorsements
Dedication
Release and Surrender
1. Having It All Isn t the Goal
2. Making Room for Honesty
3. This Was Not in the Job Description
4. Netflix and Pajamas
5. Good Grief
6. More Than Motherhood
7. Finding Your Way Back to You
8. Making Friends with Telemarketers
9. The New Friend in the Mirror
10. The Beauty and the Balance
Notes
Acknowledgments
About the Author
About the Publisher
Release and Surrender

E veryone loves good before and after photos. Before and after what really doesn t matter as long as there s a visible difference between the two. Typically, the after photo shows a drastic improvement of some sort. When I think about what my own photos would look like, however, this would be reversed. Imagine this with me: In my before, I m wearing a lavender dress shirt tucked into charcoal gray dress pants. My dark hair is carefully pulled up, with just enough kept out to frame my face. My face is freshly made up, and my pearl earrings match my necklace. I m on a business trip with colleagues, and I m vibrant. Surrounded by work-friends I ve known for years, I m enjoying laughter and conversation.
In my after, I m wearing charcoal lounge pants with a limp drawstring, paired with a fitted blue T-shirt from Target. My dark hair is peppered with rogue grays refusing to lie flat, and it is pulled into a messy ponytail. My face is naked, and I m wearing no accessories. I m a mother of two and, by the looks of it, exhausted. I m alone with my infant son asleep on my chest, scrolling through my Facebook feed to numb the loneliness.
My before and after images are clearly different, but one thing-the most important thing-remains unchanged. Dressed up or down, working professional or professional baby-rocker, my worth in Christ remains untouched.
Do you feel like your worse-than-before after photo is permanent? Like, when you traded career for kids, you actually traded in your identity? I promise you, neither of those is true. When I began writing this book (in between diaper changes, endless snack serving, and Target runs), I held the vision of you in mind-and my prayer was that this book would help you blend your before and after photos into an image that accurately reflects the truth of who you are in Christ. Transition is hard. Being home with children all day long is exhausting. I know you re tempted to settle for a life of sweatpants, Internet surfing, and missing your work-friends (or maybe just drinking coffee in silence), but Jesus wants more for us. We still have purpose. The world still needs us. We never relinquished our most important title: Daughter of God.
If you re holding this book in your hands, then you ve done the miraculous thing that is taking time for yourself. You might feel guilty about this simple act (you probably do). Take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. You aren t alone in the endless laundry, the yelling, the crying because you yelled, or the hopelessness that is born of daily monotony. This isn t the life you planned or imagined when you walked away from your career and toward the family you love even more. I know that the loneliness you feel is isolating and deafening. Motherhood is the constant pouring out of yourself that threatens to leave you empty, asking you at times to give up more than you feel like you re getting.
Following God s call to surrender my career felt a lot like giving up my identity. Many of my friends and those closest to me disappeared in the process, an unanticipated loss that shook my confidence. At the end of each day at home with my newborn son, I mourned the loss of a sense of accomplishment. The dishes were done, the baby was changed-but what difference did that make in the real world? I had confused my work with my worth, though I couldn t see it at the time. It s a mistake many of us have made. If you re like me, letting go of your career to stay home with your children brought joy but also unexpected grief and a sense of loss.
This book is for you. Motherhood doesn t offer performance evaluations or a pat on the back for a job well done. Instead of talking about current events in the break room, you re making lunch and building Legos with your little colleagues. I m guessing you might feel a bit overqualified for your current position. But God has been preparing you for this season all along.
This doesn t mean that letting go of a professional title and embracing this calling to be home with your children will be-or has been-easy or painless. Growing pains are inevitable. It s a process that includes acknowledging some false beliefs you might not realize you ve subscribed to and releasing your white-knuckle grip on control. Only in this release and true surrender will you have the ability to understand that your worth has nothing to do with your achievements. You are not what you do.
My hope and prayer is that when you finish the last page of this book, you see yourself not as a before or after image, but as a woman becoming. Although you may feel like you ve left behind meaningful work, I assure you: Much still lies before you. Thank you for joining me on this path with the perhaps unforeseen detour. Let s not forget, sometimes the unexpected paths are the most beautiful.
1
Having It All Isn t the Goal
The Lie We All Believe

For everything there is a season; a time for every activity under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 ( NLT )
I n the fall of 2011, I stood in front of a classroom full of parents. I was eight months pregnant, glistening with sweat (I appreciated those who lied and said I was glowing), and breathlessly gave my Back-to-School Night parent information speech. I told the parents listening intently that I would eagerly r